By Jessica Brodie
Have you ever noticed a total change in another person? Maybe the first time you met them, they were moody and sullen, but then suddenly they were like a ray of sunshine in your life. Or perhaps they were pessimistic and complainy, so caught up in the concerns of their own life they didn’t bother to see the needs around them, then bam!—they transformed into a caring, empathetic soul exuding genuine compassion.
I used to be incredibly self-absorbed. Before I became a mom, I lived for me. My cares and wants and needs were top priority. While I thought I loved and cared for others—and perhaps because I was a nice person, I convinced myself and others I was kind and compassionate—looking back I realize I was too obsessed with myself to really love and care for anyone in the fullest sense.
Then I became a mom, and everything changed.
Before I became a mother, I lived for self. I worried about my own self-care and self-worth, what others thought of me, what I wanted to do with my life.
After, it became all about others. My kids came first, and eventually, so did others in my world. Instead of worrying about my wants and needs, I thought of my kids’ wants and needs. Were they hungry? Needing sleep or quality time? Did they have what they wanted and needed for school or their daily routine? Were they getting the right values and morals, the right messages in the books we read and shows we watched? Every new thing in my life, every decision I made, circled back to them first—where we lived (a safe home in a neighborhood near other kids their age), what we did on Sunday mornings (church, not sleeping in and lazing the day away), the ways we spent our time.
Soon, that care shifted naturally to others in my world, too. I found myself genuinely more concerned about others’ needs than my own. It was as if the old me was replaced by a newer, better version— a more Christ-like version. It’s a process still in motion, for I—truly, none of us—can never become fully like Christ. But we can try our hardest to evolve into a better, more loving, more compassionate person, a person like our savior and lord, knowing that this process—sanctification—will take our whole lives and never reach completion.
My journey as a mother in many ways mirrors my life before and after I became a genuine follower of Christ—not just a Christian in name and belief but in action and commitment.
I’ve shared before that I had trouble getting pregnant. It was a difficult and frightening time in my life, for there was nothing I could do to enable conception. I could try my hardest—and indeed I did, with fertility drugs and lifestyle changes—yet at the end of the day, conceiving a child was entirely out of my control and in the hands of God alone.
It was a true wilderness period for me, and during that time I drew closer to the Lord instead of farther away. I began reading the Bible, starting in the Book of Genesis. And one night, I got to the Book of 1 Samuel and read the story of Hannah—how she, too, had been barren, yet fully surrendered her heart and her child to the Lord. In response, God opened her womb, and she became pregnant with the child who became the prophet Samuel.
That was my turning point. That very night after reading those words, I sank to my knees and surrendered my life entirely to the Lord. I knew it no longer mattered whether I got pregnant or not. God chose to bless me with pregnancy, and today I have four children—two I birthed and two I did not—and I am truly blessed.
My transformation became immediately obvious in my life, and I was able to live out this “new me” during my pregnancy and all the years of raising my children. Of course, you don’t need to become a mom (or a dad) to experience this sort of radical shift. Some people are able to do this without the major life change of parenthood. But I imagine God knew I needed to experience the physical change along with the emotional change in order for my metamorphosis to truly take effect. He knew it would take my full surrender—body, mind, and soul—for that transformation to occur.
I believe all of us who have today become genuine, authentic Christ-followers have had a similar moment of surrender in their lives, whether or not it involved a child. But I do know the before-kids me was very different from the person I am today, and that transformation mirrors my walk in faith completely. And I am so incredibly honored and grateful for it.
Following Christ requires everything we are—just as becoming a good parent does. It involves full surrender.
Jesus said to his disciples in Matthew 16:24-25, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (NIV).
The original Greek used here for “deny themselves” is aparneomai heautou. Aparneomai means to disown, deny, or repudiate, while heautou means self, yourself, or themselves. What Jesus was saying, then, was that we must affirm that we have no acquaintance or connection with ourself—that is, to forget oneself, or to lose sight of oneself and one's own interests.
We live in a world that emphasizes the self. We hear over and over the messages: Be happy. Love yourself. Self-care and self-love are crucial. But in a world that revolves around self, Jesus says we are to forget all of that nonsense. To be his disciple, deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow him.
We are human beings, and of course, we can’t forget our own needs entirely. I’m a better mom, wife, and human when I get enough sleep, eat well, and listen to the needs or my body and mind. A little self-care and self-love isn’t wrong or bad. But we must remember that following Jesus means loving God first and loving others as ourselves (Matthew 22:36-40). It means denying ourselves, picking up our cross, and following him.
Before, I didn’t understand that. Now I do. And I thank God for this.
How about you?
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