By Jessica Brodie
His words hit hard, yet simultaneously woke me up. “You really need to stop complaining so much. It’s not good for you.”
Shortly after we married, my husband said those words to me. It was a tough though genuinely happy time in our life—I had been a single mother for a couple of years, and now we were in the middle of the very hard work it took blending our young family. Both of us were learning new roles—him as a stepfather to my kids and me as a stepmother to his—as well as learning how to be loving and dedicated spouses to each other. Combine that with demanding jobs and other life circumstances, and I would frequently vent about my stresses and difficulties to him. After all, he was my best friend and my partner, and you’re supposed to be able to vent your feelings, aren’t you? Besides, he was an amazing soundboard and a wonderful listener.
I hadn’t noticed my “venting” had turned into griping.
I hadn’t noticed “discussing my feelings” had shifted into complaining.
His words stung, but they were accurate. I opened my eyes and began to realize that my stresses were catching up to me, and instead of living out of an abundant well of gratitude for the changes life had brought, I seemed to be stuck in complaining mode.
A renewed focus on gratitude and some intentional effort on my part nipped this in the bud, and soon I got back on track again.
I learned that venting, sharing your troubles and acknowledging your feelings, is quite different from the lifestyle mindset that is complaining.
See, venting is short-lived and situational. But complaining is a perspective. It’s a long-term state of mind.
When we complain frequently, we allow our focus to remain and even fixate on the negative. And when we get into the habit of complaining, it’s difficult to stop. You can always find something to complain about—the traffic, the price of groceries, family squabbles, coworker drama, parenting demands, finances … the list is endless.
This isn’t to say that when something bad happens you can’t talk about it, or that lamentation is somehow wrong. But when lamentation shifts to regular, everyday griping, that’s the trouble. And that’s what needs to stop.
When you make up your mind to stop habitual complaining, an internal shift happens. You shrug off petty concerns as simple difficulties in life. As you focus less on airing never-ending feelings about these difficulties, you start to notice them less. You adopt an authentic attitude of gratitude and begin to acknowledge the blessings in life more rapidly.
The late preacher and prolific gospel songwriter Johnson Oatman Jr. penned the hymn “Count Your Blessings” in 1897. As its lyrics remind us, “Count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.” The song brings to mind scriptures such as 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (NIV) and the entirety of Psalm 103, which is rooted in praising God for his compassion and extravagant love.
When you stop complaining on a daily basis and instead force yourself to acknowledge the good things—that is, when you begin to count the blessings in your life on a regular basis—five critical things happen:
1. Your heart begins to swell and blossom, becoming open more to the Lord, and you take steps toward spiritual maturity. As Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
2. You begin to set your mind on the things that are good, the things that are godly. As Colossians 3:2 urges, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
3. You reflect God’s goodness and values in the world in a deeper and stronger way. You shine God‘s light better. The apostle Paul describes this transformation in 2 Corinthians 3:18, noting how we “are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”
4. You become more attuned to the things he wants you to do—the nudges of the Holy Spirit—because your mind is not down on earth, drowning in your troubles. You have more room for God as the Holy Spirit to work within you for the good of his holy kingdom. Galatians 5:16 tells us, “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
5. You become more joyful, which can even lead to physical benefits, such as an increased immune system and a healthier lifestyle. Jesus told his disciples in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Praise leads to joy because it enables us to set aside our troubled hearts and focus on the true hope of the world: Jesus.
It's hard to stop any habit. But if you recognize you have a problem with complaining, first try to understand why, and then make a conscious choice to stop. Set goals and be intentional. Seek support from loved ones, and don’t give up.
And remember the words of the apostle Paul to the early church, words we can all take to heart: “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).
~
If you know someone who would benefit from reading this blog, please share this with them:
Have you read my novel The Memory Garden yet? More than 92 five-star reviews and counting!
Thanks to my Patreon sponsors: Matt Brodie, Emily Dodd, Jane, Marcia Hatcher, Frances Nwobi, Kathleen Patella, Billy Robinson, Yancy Rose, and Lanny Turner.
SHARE TODAY’S BLOG ON SOCIAL MEDIA: CLICK HERE OR THE SOCIAL LINKS BELOW.